If I were in charge!

So, a recent poll tells us that 32% of Californians want to secede from the US. To me this is a case in point to what I've been saying for years. California is where all the selfish people who don't fit in with their family go to get attention. And that attention pays very well, with money from where...? THE REST OF THE United States!

Everyone has the right to voice their opinion. When pollsters voice their opinion by running around selecting people to poll the way they want them to poll...well that just not acceptable. We are lucky that I'm not in charge. I would make their lives a living hell for suggesting such a thing.

As a matter of fact. I think the whole point of this thread just changed! I would be a DAMN good dictator! I mean, I would make my country fucking AWESOME. Now, don't get me wrong, it wouldn't be all that much different from American today. I present to you, the Articles of Tankdom:

We would have very similar gun laws.
- I think they are fine with some adjustments
- There would be mandatory classes and an assessment of some kind before owning a gun.
- I have more ideas but it's a list.
We would let the gays be gay.
- I have no issues with fags other than when they shove it on me, or my kids. Same with vegans, don't mind em until they start preaching.
- I would keep schlong off TV and movies, period. Little girls AND little boys do NOT need to risk being embarrassed, or titillated, by schlong on TV. It shouldn't be something we have to worry about as American parents. Whatever happened to X rated?
Schools would ROCK
- Teachers would be required to be retired from some other job. Young wanna be teachers can be teachers ASSISTANTS.
- School would be taught through EXPERIENCE, not wrote learning.
- Everyone else continues to experience through a combination of practical application and class based learning to absorb math, science, history, writing AND art AND dancing. Electives GALORE!
- Look early for doctors, scientists, nerds, dorks, hackers, startuppers, phreakers and future internet gaming phenoms.
- Fine, some families are athletic addicted. Leave sports to parks and rec though. Kids should come to school for school and to learn about life and learn a trade. Parents are going to push their kids. Might as well support the ones with that interest as a group and save the money coming at it that way. Parks and Rec.
- Fine, some families just want attention. They believe their kids are destined to Hollywood so treat acting like a sport as above. City theatre?
Trade would be similar to today, sort of
- I like the idea of the market. It kind of reflects western culture and I'm not out to change the culture. I'm out to enable as many Americans as I can to get as rich as they can, be as happy as they can and be as nice as they can.

How would we do this you ask? Great question. I will use education as an example.

This is the modern age. Each State will be measured quarterly by a team of experts that will look at well designed and well publicized metrics. Standard stuff in the corporate world. This is not hard, especially now that it can be done with software as a service run in the cloud.

We will laud everyone for their successes and leave with a list of gaps we're shooting for next period. We will fail early and probably fail often but we will get better every 3 months. Project management methodologies will be used to help each State implement THEIR plans on how to achieve the metric goals. That same tool and those same methodologies will be provided free of charge to all states if they are willing to use it. No strings. We would give them a model but not demand that they use it. Only that they meet the metrics.

Now, to get those metrics we have to know the requirements. And those are NOT simple for the education system. In MY version they are remarkably esoteric and hard to measure. Let's look at this from the ground up.

Requirements:
Kids should be happy.
Kids should be getting smarter every day.
Kids should be getting nicer every day.
Kids should be getting healthier every day.
Kids should be taught conflict resolution skills for handling the reality of their very different home lives.
Kids should be taught that not being straight is ok, but we shouldn't bring too much of our sexuality in public, straight or gay.
Kids should be taught that it's ok to be sexy but, again, we shouldn't bring too much of it into our public social lives.
Kids should be taught by experiencing the topic at hand. Math, for example, should be taught as a component of science activities. Measuring and calculating are inherent skills in 1000's of activities children could engage in.
Kids should be taught a base curriculum alongside real world skills. Billiards teaches geometry. Save Trig for the kids that want to take Trig.
Kids should be actively engaged in the hallways, before and after school and at sports later, by a plethora of student teachers to invade their areas and their clicks and their social groups. There should be no opportunity in a 6-8 hour school day for a group of children to be left alone to their own devices and things like bullying occur without an older, more mature human, to weigh in. This is where a bunch of silly behavior can be stymied every time it starts. And don't get me wrong. We WANT it to start. We can't teach them if they aren't allowed to make the mistake. I'm saying we are never too far away to be involved in the early stages where it can be headed off and a learning moment created for the bully AND the victim. Victim, don't take her shit. Bully, that's not fuckin cool. Don't be a dick.
Kids will be taught not to be a DICK. It's just not cool. We're a country of cool cats. We don't need violence and bullshit ruling our lives. See rule above - Kids will be getting nicer every day.
Kids should be taught the 12 steps and the 7 habits without being told they are the steps or habits.

Whoa, that gets long. Those are user stories. I need "this" to happen every day, or "that" to be a certain way. It's a good start. Obviously I'm using Education as an example but you get the picture.

So, finally we get to the metrics. Those all important measurements of our success. The most important thing here is to have good metrics. After that is publish your metrics and own them. It's a recurring responsibility and takes away a lot of the wishy washy-ness that happens in the real world. People just don't want to own up. You have to make owning up part of the job.

Metrics are the tests of each user story so this can get hard:
happiness = average student satisfaction survey response (a program to address outliers and "all 1's")
smarter = average student assessment rating from classes (programs for outliers focused on understanding underlying issues, not on improving the rating directly)
nicer = average student teacher rating (programs that help dicks get nicer without telling them they are in a program)

Those are just some examples. Now, are you seeing where all the student teachers come in? Really they are like upper classmen. As a matter of fact, it's important to impress upon the kids that part of what they do is teach the younger kids. It will make them natural big brothers and big sisters and a good portion of the girls will be very enthusiastic about a teaching career.

By setting the "upper classmen" in place in every nook and cranny of the building they will get a really good "feel" for what's going on. Remember the older kids get the more they push their boundaries. It's ok. That's how we want them really. Struggling to find chinks in our armor and loopholes in our rules is what we want to see because that means they will be strong citizens capable of fighting for their family on a number of levels.

Honestly, education is one of the hardest, and we are nowhere near the final metrics, but that's a good start. We would be SOOO productive if I was in charge!

Why do assholes write 500 word articles to just pick...

I have officially deleted my Twitter account. I keep getting banned for tweeting these stupid fucks that think they can write an article judging their betters.

This Ed Cara for example. Stupid waste of breath article on "vocative". I mean really Ed. It basically amounts to "nyah, nyah, nyah". I mean it's crap.

For Everyone else, here we have Ed being a cunt as he picks apart the verbiage of a respected scientist on stage trying to describe a complex procedure, to idiots, in the span of seconds because he's PUBLIC SPEAKING! You Ed, the douchebag that you are, just come back around with a "look at this fool" article that really, just details how it's "not quite as simple as Ben puts it, hahaha". You stupid fuck. Your article is crap and I would slap you like a little brother if I had a chance. Use what you learned in college for something worth saying...500 words to act like a little shit and judge your better...I'd say give us back those pell grants but I expect your family had plenty of money to send you to college.

Fuck off Ed Cara.